Help! My Sexy, Take-Charge Kindle Won’t Turn On!

Hot Kindle Image Use This

As a kid I loved watching late night comedy on NBC. My favorite segment was “Headlines” from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Today I stumbled across an internet headline so perfect it launched me into a 10-second fit of laughter. I had to pause for a sip of water and a moment to breathe.


Let me start at the beginning.

Someone gave me a new Fire HD for Christmas. Apparently, they take 4 hours to charge (!), but I’ve charged the devil for 6 hours and the battery hasn’t moved passed 56%.

I decided to hunt for a solution on Amazon’s troubleshooting forums before messaging Customer Support. While searching the forums I ran across this thread title:

“Brand new Kindle fire tablet won’t turn on and is extremely hot while in charge”

Kindle Hot

As homage to Jay Leno and columnist Dan Savage, I’ve decided to help User_074420:


Dear User_074420,

Well! Aren’t we a saucy little humblebrag!  Assuming this is a real problem, I’ll attempt to clarify the situation for you and suggest a couple of solutions.

Your new Kindle Fire is turned on, but it’s masking fiery passion with a cold exterior to support that hot “in charge” vibe you both enjoy.

You should try communicating better with your Kindle Fire. Let your Kindle know that even though you find its behavior amazingly hot, you’re concerned because it seems like it isn’t turning on during your little rendezvous.

Be honest with your Kindle; let it know that you find the distance confusing. Perhaps suggest a candlelight bath together or something similarly romantic.

That should improve the situation.

If that doesn’t help, you may need a new Kindle. This one might be too intense for your needs. Perhaps you need a less serious Kindle; an electronic device more into the occasional bit of fun and light exploration as opposed to the 24-hour lifestyle.

Either way, a little communication is in order.

Good luck and best to you,



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