Surfacing. And reflections on the comfort of family.

Sometimes you just have to go where everybody knows your name. I had Blogger open, but I ended up coming over here for my Blog and Eat session.

Fact is, I am in a challenging situation here. Although I am handling it well. As I normally do, until I inevitably decide to get drunk. But that’s not happening tonight or this week.

I spent 2 weeks in Alaska, and during that time I was around people all the time. Now I am completely isolated. I have now seen the power of human connection. Even with family members who are quite different than you may be. As is the case with me. Although, I did come back spouting off about how tired I am of mask mandates and railing against the injustice of forced vaccines (this has not change. I still hold these views now).

Maybe if I lived with these people for a year I would go full on conservative, who knows.

Gradually, we all got sick. One by one. With me seemingly the last to catch it.

Now that I have been both alone and with family while sick, I am going to say with authority that it’s much better being around family when sick.

Even with the annoyance of Fox News running any time we were not watching everyone’s favorite series, “Yellowstone” (kickass show, btw).

It was a comic scene in the living room. The people in their 30’s who have small children left before new years eve. This left me, my sister and her husband, and my parents.

The living room was a chorus of sneezes and nose blowing. Almost continually. It makes me smile thinking about it. We were all sick together and there was comfort in that.

Packets of cough drops were strewn over the various surfaces, and there were 5 or 6 bottles of Mucinex liquid medicine in the kitchen. My sister looked at me with her watery red eyes and told me I wasn’t looking too good. I told her she also looked like shit.


A neighbor wanted to bring fireworks to dad’s lake lot on new year’s eve and he wanted to come in. My dad let him know every one of us were sick, and that was the end of that.

He lit them off and we were supposed to watch, but we were too busy watching 3 hours of yellowstone, as we did nearly every night we were there.

On the one hand, it’s good to be back in my bed. But it’s a hollow quiet life. I keep waiting to feel better and I keep not really feeling that much better.

Except that I only had fever once. That was up in AK and it was pretty terrible.

now all I do is work, take little strolls when it’s not raining, read, and execute perhaps one other chore or task.

Last night that was cleaning.

After I went for a lovely walk for a half hour and felt I could stay out for an hour or 2. Wisdom rescued me, as you don’t want to run yourself down too much while sick.

The walk was so enjoyable that I fancied I was getting better.

and then the day time medicine wore off. Suddenly I was highly symptomatic. Sneezing, alternating between runny nose and sudden brick congestion (you know, where you can hear it shifting around because the glob is blocking your ear canal and then suddenly clearing and then blocking again). I began coughing a great deal more than I had been previously, and feeling at times that I was choking a bit on what my body was trying to bring up and out.

At this point I began having anxiety. And here’s the point of this post – I think I would be much less likely to have anxiety over something stupid like cold symptoms if I was around people / my family.

Granted, some of this is the times we are living in and how we have all been poisoned by fear. But, generally speaking, if you can mostly breathe fine and your fingers and lips are not blue, you’re fuckin’ fine. All these unpleasant symptoms are the body fighting really hard to trap the bug and expel it out. But I feel like anyone these days is likely to be anxious, especially if you are sick and quarantining alone.

Given all this, I am doing remarkably well at eating. For a disordered eating person. The trick, as always, is either freshly cooked food or meals ordered in from my favorite places. Of which there are only 2 and I always get the same thing.

I had big plans to launch meetups on, to go out and try new things like roller skating, etc.

Al of that got pushed aside. And my only comfort is that everyone’s plans for the new year got pushed aside. Because various viruses are raging right now. I talk to people on the phone saying they also have “that nasty sinus thing” but tested negative. Testing centers are booked out by a week or more. So, I am not the only one.

I have no choice but to be patient. That’s why they call you a patient, because you have to exercise patience. How many people never thought of that?

I have to be content with a stroll and a quick cleaning session. I have to be content with reading and tinkering around on my blog. Pulling out paper notebooks and making plans for when I feel better. Hoping that isn’t too far down the line. What are we on, the 11? Yeah, and I started feeling it around December 29 or 30. So we are going on a 2 week affair, here, and last night the flare up was kind of like day 3. And then other times it’s mostly fine besides the exhaustion.

All right, this will be the second night I am having a little post dinner ice cream. Obviously eating is going fine if I can put away toast, potatoes and egg scramble with veggies and then polish off a cup of ice cream. Literally stuffed into a measuring cup sized plastic container because in the back of my mind I do worry about gaining weight. I have always said it’s not hard for me to imagine my thing sliding into an anorexia thing if I did not watch my ass. Most obsessive personalities (like me) can’t imagine themselves going down that road until it’s already happening. I can never forget how during ARFID starvation last spring, before I discovered and utilized “blog n eat” sessions, the only time I ever worried about gaining weight was when I ate ice cream. And meanwhile I had only eaten 200 calories all day long prior to the ice cream treat. Stupid shit. It was like the less I ate, the screwier my thinking became.

anyway, I am losing the train here. And I am almost done eating. It was a success.

4 thoughts on “Surfacing. And reflections on the comfort of family.

      1. Lately I’ve been more obsessed with the local custard shop, they have a chocolate chip cheesecake flavor that I am quite fond of. It’s got big chunks of chocolate which is great, because I like an ice cream with different textures. As for national brands, I am a Ben & Jerry’s girl also. Cherry Garcia was my jam for a long time, but there’s a Cannoli one that has edged it out lately. I fucking love ice cream.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s pretty awesome. You like the fancy stuff! Chunky Monkey is about as I get. Normally I prefer simple ones like chocolate chip, mint chocolate chip, or vanilla with pieces of broken up reeses cups.
        We are going to make each other want ice cream today. Ha.
        I grabbed the chunky monkey on accident on time thinking it was the kind with reeses cups. I did not think I would like an ice cream that has banana puree in it. Well, I was wrong because it is absolutely delicious. It has bananna puree mixed into the cream, big chunks of chocolate, and some kind of yummy nut. Either walnuts or pecans. It taste like a pre-made banana split. Just wonderful.

        Liked by 1 person

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