Rough. I refuse to drink, but now I remember why it was always so hard two weeks in. Hopefully this meal from Five Guys will appease my body for now. That and a hot bath.
The weather is shitty too. Although I am not the biggest fan of heat, I definitely would not mind an 80 degree day right now. On the way in and on the way home, I thought about how I’d like to move to a warm climate and just acclimate. Get all tan and shit. Run around barefoot and in sandals.
The desire to attend a meeting is still there. Shitty as I feel. This is a good thing. My discontent is reaching in the right direction. Regardless of whether or not I follow through. I know I won’t drink. But I feel I should get out and do something. Anything that is warm and is not this hotel room. Barnes and Noble even. A big hot chocolate and sitting around reading. There’s no guarantee a church would be warm enough for me. Nor Barnes. With this sensitivity level. A part of me wants to be in front of her warm fire sipping hot tea and reading a book or doing Tarot. Well, I was over there not long ago so I can get over it.
I should have sprung for long underwear this weekend. Hmm. Maybe that’s one thing I can do tonight. If I can make it out the door after a bath. Whatever it takes to comfort my body and help me feel better. See, this is learning to tune in to what you need instead of drinking your face off. Who are we outside of our nasty soul-sucking vice? When I’m well, I’m a mover and a fiery beast. When I’m not well physically, I am a reader and a writer. All substance abuse people have an identity and hobbies outside their vice. This I have learned. So you’re not at your best, but there’s always some other shit you can do. For me there’s always some wikipedia page. Right now it’s Hamlet because I’m trying to understand why this play is such a big-ass deal and has been for quite a while. And then I’ll be down the entire Shakespeare rabbit home for the whole week.
Ahh, writing always helps. That and a mountain of fries with the skins still on them, covering an entire paper plate and rising up into a great heap, and this is the small order. That’s why it’s 20 dollars for one meal at Five Guys. The bottom layer goes into the garbage and I’m pounding some water.
I don’t know where the night will take me, but I feel better now. I could still drink a hot chocolate with an almond milk base in 2 hours if I wanted.
ZeroSpace 