Gratitude, The Tarot, and Rest Before Action.

Gratitude: The heater gently pumps heat into the room. At the touch of a button, I can move it up or down. The water from the faucet is immediately warm and then hot. These things support well-being.

My prescription drugs are free. The asthma meds are not free, but I am now in complete remission and no longer need them. They are there if the remission ends. As a populace, we have these medicines available. They improve our quality of life, and we live in a world of abundance.

I stayed at a detox facility for a week in January, and it did not cost me a single dime. The bill said 45,000+. The experience was positive in every way, and I did not pay anything. My therapy does not cost me a dime. Further, I landed a therapist (for the first time) who has a personality and a way of thinking and communicating that meets my emotional needs. Good insurance brought me these benefits. This new insurance is connected to taking a professional risk last summer, which, down the road, ended up helping me. First of all, I got exactly what I wanted in terms of the job functions I perform (last job before this… not so much), secondly – this incredible health insurance.

I feel gratitude for my own risk-taking nature. I experience failures at times, of course, but the risks I remember best are the ones that result in success. I have never taken a risk in my professional life that did not work out in my favor. It’s a lesson about being bold and knowing the value you bring to the table.

Gratitude for 3 days of freedom. I have the day off because I worked on a holiday. I will show thanks by bookmarking and reading the wikipedia page of the Native man who is celebrated by this tribal holiday.

I am taking a day of rest. That isn’t to say that I’ll just sit around on my bum all day long. I will clean, organize and venture out to conduct errands. But I will not hike with a loaded pack today. I will not do a long-distance walk. I am still menstruating. It only just started yesterday. My holiday will be about the things I mentioned above, plus writing in my notebook and doing the final processing about a matter that I need to close out and let go of completely. 

I’ve been incredibly strong. And now I will kick that strength up a notch further. I will challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone at least 3 times a week. More if I can handle it. Social things. Meetings count. Any type of social thing does the trick. Church every Sunday, beginning with Center for Spiritual Living. I think it’s the closest church, but if not I’ll find something closer. I will come early and stay after for a half hour. This is called fellowship, and I will do this fellowship thing. I will listen, look for common ground and give them my attention. I learned at some point that the best gift you can give someone is your attention. Everyone wants to be seen and heard.

In quiet moments, I will embrace self compassion. I value both the fighting soldier in myself (the one who has taken the stage on this blog recently), and the student. I value the passion, and the many forms in which passion can sprout. It is almost Spring, and it is the time now for sprouting.

If I can’t meet my expectations on a given day, I’ll be compassionate and understanding about the matter. But, I will keep moving forward.

I did Tarot the other night. Maybe at some point today, I will sit down with my journal and write out all the meanings from the ten card spread. I took photos. What matters for my purposes on this blog, right now, is the Major Arcana, as it’s apparently called. I’m still new to this.

There were 5. The first one I pulled was Lovers. It was upside down. Reversed. It was the only one I pulled that was upside down. Not surprising. Lost romance, lost love. The next one was The Tower. Going out of memory – sudden change of circumstances. Jolting change. Yes. The next one was The Sun. New opportunity, happiness. The next one was The Empress, and interestingly enough the next one after that was The High Priestess. Don’t remember all the details and I have much to do before looking into all this (even in the context of a rest day), but one of the two indicated success in business, or similar endeavors. I image the other one is success in spirituality.  But I’ll have to look it all up later. It was all a bit like a sprawling album by The Smashing Pumpkins. The minor songs/cards were these moody little affairs, and then the major Arcana were these epic statements/songs.  I like that my brain works to connect these sorts of things.

I need to take a bath and pursue food.