I was up early enough – so I arrived with journal, clipboard and pen in hand. These items create my safety net. I knew I’d hear something that spoke to me. It can seem like they are speaking directly to your situation, but in reality they are just re-hashing common themes in cognitive behavioral therapy that mesh with spiritual principles (and this is called New Thought). Naturally, if you are struggling when you arrive, it’s going to feel like you were guided there and they are speaking directly to your situation.
He’s very good and he always covers relevant ground. He spoke to the thing my therapist and I had discussed; the people who hang around in victimhood, make some spiritual or therapeutic progress, perhaps, and then retreat back into their victimhood caves. Because it’s more comfortable. He also talked about Group Think. But he’s a great writer and orator, because he did not verbally label it “group think”, which is kind of insulting and would alienate some people. But he definitely talked about the value of critical thinking somewhere in that speech.
Good for me, showing up. I’d like to take turns between this one and Unity… and perhaps check out some different ones again.
I wanted to also do a meeting tonight. It pulled at me, but I couldn’t get it together and reasoned that church in the a.m. is good enough.
I’m not drinking, I’m at 2 weeks at this point, and I have zero desire to drink. So I’ll give myself a break tonight. I’m about to bleed and I can’t even muster the will to cook myself a meal. I am doing a snack dinner. Thus, it would have been a tall order to do a meeting. The Jewish temple is also downtown. Fuck downtown. Next time.
There’s other things I need to do, but I will not be doing much of anything tonight. I won’t bore any reader with details. I’ll save that one for the bullet journal/planner.
All I want to do, and all I’ve been doing for the past couple hours is editing my blog. Slimming down the content on some of my recent posts. It’s looking a lot better. When I want to feel productive but don’t want to do much of anything, fucking around with my blog works. Graphic design might be the next blog item to go under the microscope. The current “one page eternal-scroll” situation may be axed. Like, as if anyone ever visits my external site anyway…but I will modify it anyhow.
Yeah, Lexapro. What a mixed bag. I use it to treat PMDD now, but I get back off of it as soon as I can. Back to that 1.5 weeks off set up. I’m not too sure I would have made it to church this morning without it. It has equal amounts advantages during this time and disadvantages. I put myself on a pretty high dose. Sometimes it feels like I’ve entered mushroom-ville. Like a gram of mushrooms, but not nearly as fun.
I intended to write more about CSL, but I’m finding that I just don’t care to expound right now. Maybe later. Just me hanging out in my little isolation tank. I just have to get through this week and I’m good to go.
ZeroSpace 